Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, there lived a King and Queen.
King Aerogard, and his wife, Queen Mortein, were discussing the delicate subject of babies.
They chose their words with precaution, knowing that babies were a special thing, and they were only ready to have a child if they were both willing to commit. The discussion was highly elaborate, and only those of an educated mind would have a chance to understand the complex words that were being said that day.
The conversation went like this:
"Let us have a baby" said king Aerogard.
"Ok" replied queen Mortein.
So they had a baby.
Nine months to the day after the traditional conceiving ceremony, in to which we won't go into detail, queen Mortein gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.
"A girl??" enquired King Aerogard "but she was supposed to be a boy, she was supposed to like goobers and worms, and when she reached adolescence, she is supposed to be the leading batsman and fast bowler on the Medievals!" he continued, referring to the cricket team he coached.
"Well she is a girl. She is going to have tea parties, she will be a fashion icon, she will have pillow fights in her underwear at her and her friends parties, and when she hits adolescence she will become a sex scandal, and her snatch will be all over the media as she gets out of her carriage and flashes every body" Retorted queen Mortein.
They decided to name the child who had eyes the colour of a blue flower, and hair the colour of an object that was black, Princess Highway.
Princess Highway blossomed into an ugly child. She was not obese, but her weight left something to be desired, and don't even get me started on her fashion sense! Her hair was so greasy that it became matted, and turned into a giant nest of unruly dreadlocks. Her bust, on the other hand, was quite large, as she was further developed in that area compared to the other children of the kingdom.
This upset her terribly, and so she personally beheaded each child that teased her with a rusty axe.
Concerned, her parents took her to a shrink.
"It seems the Princess has an unusual love for violence, and she needs to vent it out. May I suggest you join her up to a contact sport? such as rugby, wrestling, or a martial art?"
So they did just that.
Princess Highway signed up for the local rugby team, and took boxing lessons every Saturday.
And you know what, with all that exercise, the weight just fell off her.
On the day of her sixteenth birthday, her parents were again concerned.
"She is sixteen years old, and a PRINCESS, and yet she has dated no one!" her mother squawked frantically while at the hairdressers having her weekly perm. (Hey, curls just don't stay beautiful on their own any more.) "I just don't understand, she is slim enough!!"
"HAH, slim is just the half of it, you have to act like you're stupid, and defenceless, and a damsel in distress" replied her hairdresser, Mrs. Kodak. "and her tomboyish ways, that just wont do! She's too manly, she scares all the men away with her ruggedness!
As queen Mortein pondered over her hairdresser's words, her daughter continued showing tomboyish signs.
Instead of tea parties, Princess Highway was into scabs, goobers, and worms, instead of being a fashion icon, she was the leading batsman and fast bowler of her father's cricket team, although she did have a pillow fight every Saturday night, when her friends always held a party. But that was mainly so that she could secretly hide bricks in her pillow and thump them over the heads as hard as she could possibly manage. Which was a lot … she was a strong girl.
Her father couldn't have been more thrilled, but her mother on the other hand, couldn't help but feel slightly disappointed.
The next day, queen Mortein entered a clay house with a thatched roof from which cats and dogs would always tumble through, clad in a trench coat, a pair of black sunnies, and an oversized hat.
She went into an office, and asked all the questions that needed to be asked.
"now, when do you want the...'job' done Mrs..'Tarzan'" enquired a big burly man who looked like he belonged in the Mafia on the streets of Italy.
"As soon as possible, I can't bear my daughter any longer, if I look at her again, I'm afraid I'll burst!"
"I understand, trust me, we get plenty of people like you, how about next Sunday, is that ok?"
"yes that's fine...now how much is it?"
"10,000 for the first one, then to clean it up, it's another 5000. And I'd like to spy on her for a week … I like to personalise each of my clients, you know? Make it special, make it memorable!”
So the big burly man who looked like he belonged in the Mafia on the streets of Italy set out towards the castle in his spy gear, which was a one piece bathing suit. No one would ever suspect a big burly man who looked like he belonged in the Mafia on the streets of Italy in a bathing suit of spying and murderous intentions, right? Right. He climbed up the oak tree outside Princess Highway's window, and settled in for the night to watch the events.
Princess Highway was having another one of her sleepovers. She was giving one of her friends a make over, as her other guests huddles in the corner, afraid to breathe in case it caught her attention, and she moved the torture on to one of them.
“And just a dash of rat's blood, to bring out the natural rosiness of your cheeks” Finished the Princess, and she applied the blood (Which had traces of mashed up rat's guts in it) to her mortified friend's cheek. She turned her friend around to look in the mirror, and that was but she could bare … she took one sight of her face, vomited up her dinner, and fainted on the floor. Princess Highway glared at the remaining friends.
“I'm bored of this game.” She informed them. “Let's have a pillow fight!” Her friends stiffened with fear. One of them, a small blonde girl in the back started whimpering.
“P-p-p-please Princess, please, can we just go to bed? I'm super, super tired!”
“BED!?” The Princess roared “But it's only 9pm! Don't be a pussy!”
“But I had a late night last night, and I had to get up really early this morning and..”
“I'M SICK OF YOUR VOICE!” And with her words, Princess Highway charged towards the small blonde girl, making the rest of the crowd veer toward the other side of the room. The Princess tackled the tiny girl to the ground, pounded her in the face with her fists, picked her up by her petite blonde braids, swung her around, and flung her out of the window. All the while, the girl screaming as if she was being murdered. Which … she was.
“Now.... PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!” Enthused Princess Highway, picking up her sack of bricks. She advanced on her guests, and swung at the nearest skull. With a satisfying clunk, and a giant crack, the girl's eyes popped out of her skull, and she writhed on the floor with agony. Princess Highway moved on to her next victim. She continued with her game until each girl had been killed, knocked unconscious, or had jumped out of the window in desperation.
Princess Highway looked upon the faces of each of her friend, and threw all but one to her pet crocodile, Cornelius, who was vision impaired, thus had to wear spectacles. As he crunched happily on their bones, Princess Highway strung up her last remaining guest by shoving metal hooks through her ankles. As the girl hung upside down, The Princess prepared her knife. She knew exactly what she was doing. She steadied the knife and started hacking at the girl's head. Once the head was removed, she sat underneath the body, letting her warm, red fluids drip all over her. It was like warm, summer rain. It calmed Princess Highway, and made her feel at peace with the world. Once she had bled the body dry, she set to work on harvesting the organs, which she stored in the fridge to make her special type of haggis later, to send to the girl's parents as a gift for her funeral. Suddenly, she heard a thud at her window. She spun on her heels quickly, and raised her knife. There she saw the most biggest burly man who looked like he belonged in the Mafia on the streets of Italy in a bathing suit she had EVER seen. Her jaw dropped. His eyes were locked on hers.
“I have been watching you...”
“Fuck off”
“...and Although my initial intentions were far from pure...”
“I'll chop you in half then skull fuck you”
“...I think I've fallen in love with your wayward behaviour...”
“Then I'll grow maggots in your body”
“...and although your mother has paid a great deal of money for me to kill you and make it look like an accident, I just cannot bring myself to do it.”
Princess Highway's mouth snapped shut. For a moment she was speechless, and when she finally found her voice, all she could manage was a feeble “get fucked.”
The big burly man who looked like he belonged in the Mafia on the streets of Italy in a bathing suit took Princess Highway in his arms and licked her in the eyeball.
The couple spent their days murdering people in the most creative ways possible, and having wild, steamy sex in public places.
The end.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Kahlia the awkward.
Kahlia sighed as she imagined being folded into Cameron's warm, muscular arms.
She watched him from the far end of the deli, careful not to let him catch her staring. He was perfect, from his startling bright eyes, to his messy blonde hair. She sighed longingly as she thought for the hundredth time that day, just how unworthy she was of a being so godly such as himself.
"Cameron" She let her lips fumble over the name gently, savouring the flavour of his name.
Although it was an inaudible whisper, as if by magic, Cameron looked straight up at Kahlia. He smiled as Kahlia started, and slowly made his way towards her.
Kahlia panicked, and tried to make herself look busy. She grabbed a tub of near empty shaved silverside to fill it up again, but as she was pulling it out of the case, she knocked it on the edge of the bench and send it flying, smashing the tub. Bits of black plastic went flying all over the deli floor as Kahlia went rose red with embarrassment.
Cameron snorted in amusement. "You're such a dork Kahlia."
"It's not my fault" Kahlia said, flexing her back, inadvertently sticking out her breasts, giving Cameron the view he so desired. "I have a sore back."
"What, do you have shagger's back?" Cameron asked, rather crudely and inappropriately.
Kahlia had no clue what that was, but rather than looking like a fool, she decided to bluff.
"Yeah, I went to the doctor about it, they just said I'd have to ride it out."
Cameron was silent. He snorted again, trying to suppress his laugh.
"I can help you 'ride it out' if you like..." Cameron suggested.
Kahlia perked up. "Really? You'd do that for me? How?"
"Well...I am actually a master at an ancient form of exercise."
"Ancient form of exercise?"
"Yeah. It can be really intense though. You can do it with protection or without, but to get the best results, without protection is best."
"Wow, sounds intriguing."
"Yes it really is. It's vigorous, and it can make you feel really good about yourself too"
"Wow, we should try it sometime!"
Cameron snorted for a third time.
'He must have a cold.' Kahlia thought to herself, and smiled inwardly. He was so cute... in every possible way!
"Would you like to come over for tonight for a session?"
"Oh really? That'd be fantastic!"
"Awesome, what time do you knock off?"
"I knock off at 6."
Cameron turned he key in the keyhole and let the door creak open.
"Ladies first" He said, gesturing for Kahlia to enter.
"So where will we do this? In the lounge room?"
"Wherever you want baby."
Kahlia blushed at his words. 'Baby' she thought to herself happily.
"You choose."
"...howabout on the washer? I'm about to turn it on, so it will be running."
"Can we both fit? What if we fall off?"
Cameron just smirked. Kahlia's stomach did a back flip.
As Cameron adjusted the dials on the washing machine, Kahlia couldn't help but feel a little naughty.
Just then, a crack of thunder sounded over head, making Kahlia jump.
Cameron saw his chance and moved in, wrapping his right arm around Kahlia's waist, pulling her close. He put his lips on her neck and breathed hot air, sending chills down her spine.
"It's okay, you're safe with me" He told her, moving his left arm up her torso.
Kahlia began to feel very odd. She had never felt this way before, but it felt good. She liked it. It left her wanting more. Cameron's hand moved it's way up Kahlia's shirt.
She liked it very much.
He laid her down on top of the washing machine as a raging storm brewed above them, and began undressing them both.
"Now let daddy show you how it's done..."
*NINE MONTHS AND TWO WEEKS LATER*
"Congratulations on your new daughter!"
"Oh Cameron, she's gorgeous, what should we name her?"
"We should name her after the most beautiful and awesome-est and smartest and hard working-est and amazing-est girl and best-est writer we know!"
They both looked up at each other and smiled.
"Stephanie" They said in unison.
THE END?
She watched him from the far end of the deli, careful not to let him catch her staring. He was perfect, from his startling bright eyes, to his messy blonde hair. She sighed longingly as she thought for the hundredth time that day, just how unworthy she was of a being so godly such as himself.
"Cameron" She let her lips fumble over the name gently, savouring the flavour of his name.
Although it was an inaudible whisper, as if by magic, Cameron looked straight up at Kahlia. He smiled as Kahlia started, and slowly made his way towards her.
Kahlia panicked, and tried to make herself look busy. She grabbed a tub of near empty shaved silverside to fill it up again, but as she was pulling it out of the case, she knocked it on the edge of the bench and send it flying, smashing the tub. Bits of black plastic went flying all over the deli floor as Kahlia went rose red with embarrassment.
Cameron snorted in amusement. "You're such a dork Kahlia."
"It's not my fault" Kahlia said, flexing her back, inadvertently sticking out her breasts, giving Cameron the view he so desired. "I have a sore back."
"What, do you have shagger's back?" Cameron asked, rather crudely and inappropriately.
Kahlia had no clue what that was, but rather than looking like a fool, she decided to bluff.
"Yeah, I went to the doctor about it, they just said I'd have to ride it out."
Cameron was silent. He snorted again, trying to suppress his laugh.
"I can help you 'ride it out' if you like..." Cameron suggested.
Kahlia perked up. "Really? You'd do that for me? How?"
"Well...I am actually a master at an ancient form of exercise."
"Ancient form of exercise?"
"Yeah. It can be really intense though. You can do it with protection or without, but to get the best results, without protection is best."
"Wow, sounds intriguing."
"Yes it really is. It's vigorous, and it can make you feel really good about yourself too"
"Wow, we should try it sometime!"
Cameron snorted for a third time.
'He must have a cold.' Kahlia thought to herself, and smiled inwardly. He was so cute... in every possible way!
"Would you like to come over for tonight for a session?"
"Oh really? That'd be fantastic!"
"Awesome, what time do you knock off?"
"I knock off at 6."
Cameron turned he key in the keyhole and let the door creak open.
"Ladies first" He said, gesturing for Kahlia to enter.
"So where will we do this? In the lounge room?"
"Wherever you want baby."
Kahlia blushed at his words. 'Baby' she thought to herself happily.
"You choose."
"...howabout on the washer? I'm about to turn it on, so it will be running."
"Can we both fit? What if we fall off?"
Cameron just smirked. Kahlia's stomach did a back flip.
As Cameron adjusted the dials on the washing machine, Kahlia couldn't help but feel a little naughty.
Just then, a crack of thunder sounded over head, making Kahlia jump.
Cameron saw his chance and moved in, wrapping his right arm around Kahlia's waist, pulling her close. He put his lips on her neck and breathed hot air, sending chills down her spine.
"It's okay, you're safe with me" He told her, moving his left arm up her torso.
Kahlia began to feel very odd. She had never felt this way before, but it felt good. She liked it. It left her wanting more. Cameron's hand moved it's way up Kahlia's shirt.
She liked it very much.
He laid her down on top of the washing machine as a raging storm brewed above them, and began undressing them both.
"Now let daddy show you how it's done..."
*NINE MONTHS AND TWO WEEKS LATER*
"Congratulations on your new daughter!"
"Oh Cameron, she's gorgeous, what should we name her?"
"We should name her after the most beautiful and awesome-est and smartest and hard working-est and amazing-est girl and best-est writer we know!"
They both looked up at each other and smiled.
"Stephanie" They said in unison.
THE END?
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Pink: welcome to the Funhouse
When Pink bursts into the Malibu Performing Arts Center, the secluded studio where she recorded much of her new album Funhouse, the singer fills the room much the same way your best friend would. She struts towards the small gathering of journalists in her enviable Betsy Johnson stiletto heels, a romantic white blouse, and a leather pencil skirt in a rich shade of brown while carrying a full glass of red wine. She crackles with energy and laughter. Her mission this evening, as Pink instantly makes clear, is to get all of us writers – the first to hear her new songs – at least a little bit tipsy. As if on cue, the catering staff refills our goblets.
Wine is a big part of the Pink experience. Pink and Funhouse producer Butch Walker bonded over wine years ago at Hollywood’s Chateau Marmont. “I fell down the stairs carrying my glass of wine back to the room to write and busted my kneecaps, but didn’t spill a drop of wine. That further instilled in me that my priorities were correct and Butch and I should be best friends,” she remembers, laughing. Though she bemoans the fact that people use her as an excuse to let loose, saying, “I’m so tired of hearing, God, I smoke so much more around you. Or, I haven’t drank that much ever with anyone else. Or, Oh, it’s you, I’ll have another tequila. I’m like, why are you using me as an excuse to party?!” So is it really any surprise there’s a song on Funhouse entitled “Bad Influence”?
Despite some liquid lubrication after we part ways, Pink is refreshed when we meet up early the next morning, dressed in a tank-top and a pair of comfy – though somehow flattering – overalls. “I’m a night person,” she explains. “I can’t go to sleep, even if I’m lying in bed, so I stayed out late.” Even without a full night’s sleep, Pink is pretty. Her cropped, white blonde coif compliments her tanned skin and unlike other delicate starlets, Pink has powerful features and a fierce beauty that extends from her blue-gray eyes to her bare, muscular arm. She’s a gorgeous tomboy.
We’re tucked in a secluded corner at a rustic breakfast spot in a nondescript area of Malibu, which is good, because at this moment, Pink doesn’t want much of an audience. “When I first meet people I’m a little shy,” she explains. “When you know you’re going to meet someone and five minutes later delve into your childhood with them, that can be a bit daunting.”
It’s not something you expect to hear from Pink, an artist who’s M.O. has always been more about baring it all. In a world of bland celebrities, Pink has rightfully earned a reputation as the pop star you can count on to never say “no comment”. She’s known for letting loose, even if that includes bashing another pop star in an interview or discussing her dissatisfaction with her childhood on her sophmore album M!ssundaztood. So when news broke earlier this year of the split between Pink and her husband, motocross star and Hart and Huntington Tattoo owner Carey Hart, she handled the fallout the Pink way –she called Walker and began pouring out her heart – and at least a few glasses of good wine – into what would become Funhouse.
It was July 2005 and Hart was racing in the motocross finals at Mammoth Lakes, California when he spotted Pink on the side of the track, holding up a pit board with the words “Will You Marry Me?” The two first met at the 2001 X Games in Philadelphia and kicked off their relationship three months later when they ran into each other again in Las Vegas. The pair took a brief break in 2003, during which time Pink was spotted locking lips with Tommy Lee and friend Kristanna Loken, but were now back together. As Hart rounded his next lap, Pink wrote and held up another sign, this one reading, “I’m serious!” He stopped his bike and swooped up the singer. The next January, as the sun set behind them on a Costa Rican beach, the two married.
But, in November 2007, tabloids reported that the marriage was on the rocks. And, though Pink and Hart denied the rumors, the following February they split. Pink’s hurt resonates throughout Funhouse, but her lyrics weren’t intended to slam Hart. “When I’m writing the songs it’s just where I’m at. What I’m doing, what I’m reading, what I’m thinking about. This one was different for me. I’ve not been here before in this way… These songs are like wounds… It was too easy to write. There is no edit button. Maybe there should be, but there isn’t with me.”
At one point during the Funhouse sessions, Pink broke down in tears while recording the vocals for “I Don’t Believe You,” the album’s ballad. “It’s the hardest song I’ve ever had to sing. It’s the most vulnerable sad song I’ve ever written in my life.” It’s hard not to look for traces of Hart in every track on Funhouse, such as “Mean” which Pink says is about how relationships change. “Every relationship, whether it ends or not, does that. How did we get so mean? How did I just say that to you? Let’s sit down and come to the love table and be friends again.” Elsewhere on Funhouse she digs deeper into where things went wrong and suggests that perhaps Hart wasn’t there for her enough when she needed him to be. “I don’t know that anyone will be able to give me what I think I need. And, I think I’m a much better friend than anything else,” Pink explains.
Some of the hints about Hart aren’t so subtle. In “So What,” the album’s first single, Pink calls Hart a “tool” and sings “I just lost my husband/I don’t know where he went” and later adds “You weren’t there/You never were.” In the video, she takes a chainsaw to a tree that their initials are carved into. But in a Pink twist, Hart shows up at the end of the video. “The whole world is like, oh she’s a fucking hypocrite, talking shit and I thought it was amicable. And it is, but that’s what I do. I talk shit. I talked shit to him for six years. I’m not going to stop now.”
Pink is also the first to confess that, despite the whirlwind the song created, she’s not sure she’s fully ready to talk about it. “The last [album] was like ‘U and UR Hand’ and ‘Who Knew.’ I had time to process it and be OK with it. It’s all how I feel, but it’s not, Hi, have you seen my heart bleeding? Can I rip open my chest and show you? It’s really exposed and really new and I love Carey so much and we’re not resolved and it’s just really weird. It’s my fault because I wrote this fucking song ["So What"] and I knew what I was doing and I did it as a joke…It’s just all a bit bizarre. It’s like ‘Family Portrait,’ but my own. Unfortunately…or fortunately…I’m not sure yet.”
What Pink is sure about is that she won’t try to erase the past – and that means keeping every tattoo from the matching “help” buttons she and Walker earned during what she sarcastically calls “a really brilliant moment of clarity” to the “Tru Love” tattoo above her wrist she and Hart got spontaneously one night at a tattoo shop in Tampa just before the then happy couple went bowling. Though it’s a reminder of the way things once were, she refuses to cover it up. “We don’t do that,” Pink says fiercely. “That’s the most disrespectful thing in the entire world. There was a rumor going around that Carey got his tattoos covered and I called him and was like, ‘What are you doing?!’ he’s like, ‘Baby, I didn’t cover the tattoos. I’m never covering the tattoos. It’s all good. What are you doing today?’”
Pink got her first tattoo, Japanese Kanji for “good luck and happiness,” on her ankle when she was just twelve, and a guardian angel on her left shoulder followed soon after. “I think part of me did it because it was illegal and it would piss my parents off,” she says as she puts her flip-flopped foot up on the booth seat to show off the four Japanese characters. “I was always really obsessed with Japanese art. My parents have these sake bottles from Japan that are ancient and are so intricately carved and painted. They also had all this Japanese art. It’s the most beautiful culture.” And, as far as she knows, the meanings of all of her Japanese characters are accurate. “I’ve checked them and checked them and checked them. My friend has big ones on her arm that mean ‘cleansing.’ She had her arm out the window and this Japanese woman yelled over ‘Tampon! You have tampon on your arm!’ She yelled back, ‘It’s cleansing!’ ‘Yeah. feminine cleansing. Tampon.’ She’s like…great.”
Her other Kanji characters stand for “strength,” and “the will to live.” And, when Pink’s mother turned 55, the two were inked with the character for “mother.” “She didn’t really take that much convincing. Anything sentimental with my mom, she’s in. Now, she wears these little cocktail dresses and makes sure that in pictures it’s showing.”
Pink’s favorite tattoo was created by an artist friend in Philadelphia and reads “What goes around comes around.” As she explains it, “It’s my only truth that never changes. I believe in karma. I believe that it comes around in both ways. I’ve watched really good people have really hard times and then all of a sudden something beautiful happens. I’ve seen instant karma and I’ve seen karma that I think takes lifetimes and I’ve felt a lot of it.”
Her other tattoos include a portrait in homage to her bulldog Elvis who tragically drowned in her pool done by Twig from Hart and Huntington Tattoo, the pink bows on the backs of her thighs that she admits were a drunken decision, and a large dragon on her left thigh by Australia’s Giovanni Di Mizio that acts as a cover up. “When I was in my mom’s stomach I sat cross-legged, so I have dimples in my leg and I hate them. So I covered them with my tattoo.” Just don’t expect her to come out of a tattoo shop covered in color. “I don’t take color well. I love seeing girls with the full sleeves that have beautiful koi fish and lotus flowers and vibrant colors, but I’m all about matchy matchy clothes and if had red and yellow on my arm, that would really fuck with me.”
As a result, most of her work is done in black-and-grey, a style that L.A. Ink’s Kat Von D specializes in. But Von D’s needle is not coming anywhere near Pink. “I’ve heard some things that she’s said about Carey in interviews and I don’t fucking like it. She doesn’t fucking know him so she can keep his fucking name out of her mouth as far as I’m concerned. I wouldn’t let her tattoo me. I know that’s probably putting my foot in my mouth because a lot of people like her, but I’m very loyal and I don’t like it when people who don’t know what they’re talking about talk about other people. Especially my husband. I think it was just the TV shows and Inked and there’s room for everybody. That’s what I learned a long time ago in the music business.”
Her beef with the L.A. Ink star and her split with Hart aside, Pink is trying to enjoy life more these days. “I want to disappear for a while. Pull a Houdini. But, no, I just want to laugh more. Have more fun.” Doing so would make her mother proud. “I get, ‘If you snarl in one more picture… I swear to god, you have such a pretty smile.’ Mom! It’s going to be alright. I won’t snarl on this album!”
Wine is a big part of the Pink experience. Pink and Funhouse producer Butch Walker bonded over wine years ago at Hollywood’s Chateau Marmont. “I fell down the stairs carrying my glass of wine back to the room to write and busted my kneecaps, but didn’t spill a drop of wine. That further instilled in me that my priorities were correct and Butch and I should be best friends,” she remembers, laughing. Though she bemoans the fact that people use her as an excuse to let loose, saying, “I’m so tired of hearing, God, I smoke so much more around you. Or, I haven’t drank that much ever with anyone else. Or, Oh, it’s you, I’ll have another tequila. I’m like, why are you using me as an excuse to party?!” So is it really any surprise there’s a song on Funhouse entitled “Bad Influence”?
Despite some liquid lubrication after we part ways, Pink is refreshed when we meet up early the next morning, dressed in a tank-top and a pair of comfy – though somehow flattering – overalls. “I’m a night person,” she explains. “I can’t go to sleep, even if I’m lying in bed, so I stayed out late.” Even without a full night’s sleep, Pink is pretty. Her cropped, white blonde coif compliments her tanned skin and unlike other delicate starlets, Pink has powerful features and a fierce beauty that extends from her blue-gray eyes to her bare, muscular arm. She’s a gorgeous tomboy.
We’re tucked in a secluded corner at a rustic breakfast spot in a nondescript area of Malibu, which is good, because at this moment, Pink doesn’t want much of an audience. “When I first meet people I’m a little shy,” she explains. “When you know you’re going to meet someone and five minutes later delve into your childhood with them, that can be a bit daunting.”
It’s not something you expect to hear from Pink, an artist who’s M.O. has always been more about baring it all. In a world of bland celebrities, Pink has rightfully earned a reputation as the pop star you can count on to never say “no comment”. She’s known for letting loose, even if that includes bashing another pop star in an interview or discussing her dissatisfaction with her childhood on her sophmore album M!ssundaztood. So when news broke earlier this year of the split between Pink and her husband, motocross star and Hart and Huntington Tattoo owner Carey Hart, she handled the fallout the Pink way –she called Walker and began pouring out her heart – and at least a few glasses of good wine – into what would become Funhouse.
It was July 2005 and Hart was racing in the motocross finals at Mammoth Lakes, California when he spotted Pink on the side of the track, holding up a pit board with the words “Will You Marry Me?” The two first met at the 2001 X Games in Philadelphia and kicked off their relationship three months later when they ran into each other again in Las Vegas. The pair took a brief break in 2003, during which time Pink was spotted locking lips with Tommy Lee and friend Kristanna Loken, but were now back together. As Hart rounded his next lap, Pink wrote and held up another sign, this one reading, “I’m serious!” He stopped his bike and swooped up the singer. The next January, as the sun set behind them on a Costa Rican beach, the two married.
But, in November 2007, tabloids reported that the marriage was on the rocks. And, though Pink and Hart denied the rumors, the following February they split. Pink’s hurt resonates throughout Funhouse, but her lyrics weren’t intended to slam Hart. “When I’m writing the songs it’s just where I’m at. What I’m doing, what I’m reading, what I’m thinking about. This one was different for me. I’ve not been here before in this way… These songs are like wounds… It was too easy to write. There is no edit button. Maybe there should be, but there isn’t with me.”
At one point during the Funhouse sessions, Pink broke down in tears while recording the vocals for “I Don’t Believe You,” the album’s ballad. “It’s the hardest song I’ve ever had to sing. It’s the most vulnerable sad song I’ve ever written in my life.” It’s hard not to look for traces of Hart in every track on Funhouse, such as “Mean” which Pink says is about how relationships change. “Every relationship, whether it ends or not, does that. How did we get so mean? How did I just say that to you? Let’s sit down and come to the love table and be friends again.” Elsewhere on Funhouse she digs deeper into where things went wrong and suggests that perhaps Hart wasn’t there for her enough when she needed him to be. “I don’t know that anyone will be able to give me what I think I need. And, I think I’m a much better friend than anything else,” Pink explains.
Some of the hints about Hart aren’t so subtle. In “So What,” the album’s first single, Pink calls Hart a “tool” and sings “I just lost my husband/I don’t know where he went” and later adds “You weren’t there/You never were.” In the video, she takes a chainsaw to a tree that their initials are carved into. But in a Pink twist, Hart shows up at the end of the video. “The whole world is like, oh she’s a fucking hypocrite, talking shit and I thought it was amicable. And it is, but that’s what I do. I talk shit. I talked shit to him for six years. I’m not going to stop now.”
Pink is also the first to confess that, despite the whirlwind the song created, she’s not sure she’s fully ready to talk about it. “The last [album] was like ‘U and UR Hand’ and ‘Who Knew.’ I had time to process it and be OK with it. It’s all how I feel, but it’s not, Hi, have you seen my heart bleeding? Can I rip open my chest and show you? It’s really exposed and really new and I love Carey so much and we’re not resolved and it’s just really weird. It’s my fault because I wrote this fucking song ["So What"] and I knew what I was doing and I did it as a joke…It’s just all a bit bizarre. It’s like ‘Family Portrait,’ but my own. Unfortunately…or fortunately…I’m not sure yet.”
What Pink is sure about is that she won’t try to erase the past – and that means keeping every tattoo from the matching “help” buttons she and Walker earned during what she sarcastically calls “a really brilliant moment of clarity” to the “Tru Love” tattoo above her wrist she and Hart got spontaneously one night at a tattoo shop in Tampa just before the then happy couple went bowling. Though it’s a reminder of the way things once were, she refuses to cover it up. “We don’t do that,” Pink says fiercely. “That’s the most disrespectful thing in the entire world. There was a rumor going around that Carey got his tattoos covered and I called him and was like, ‘What are you doing?!’ he’s like, ‘Baby, I didn’t cover the tattoos. I’m never covering the tattoos. It’s all good. What are you doing today?’”
Pink got her first tattoo, Japanese Kanji for “good luck and happiness,” on her ankle when she was just twelve, and a guardian angel on her left shoulder followed soon after. “I think part of me did it because it was illegal and it would piss my parents off,” she says as she puts her flip-flopped foot up on the booth seat to show off the four Japanese characters. “I was always really obsessed with Japanese art. My parents have these sake bottles from Japan that are ancient and are so intricately carved and painted. They also had all this Japanese art. It’s the most beautiful culture.” And, as far as she knows, the meanings of all of her Japanese characters are accurate. “I’ve checked them and checked them and checked them. My friend has big ones on her arm that mean ‘cleansing.’ She had her arm out the window and this Japanese woman yelled over ‘Tampon! You have tampon on your arm!’ She yelled back, ‘It’s cleansing!’ ‘Yeah. feminine cleansing. Tampon.’ She’s like…great.”
Her other Kanji characters stand for “strength,” and “the will to live.” And, when Pink’s mother turned 55, the two were inked with the character for “mother.” “She didn’t really take that much convincing. Anything sentimental with my mom, she’s in. Now, she wears these little cocktail dresses and makes sure that in pictures it’s showing.”
Pink’s favorite tattoo was created by an artist friend in Philadelphia and reads “What goes around comes around.” As she explains it, “It’s my only truth that never changes. I believe in karma. I believe that it comes around in both ways. I’ve watched really good people have really hard times and then all of a sudden something beautiful happens. I’ve seen instant karma and I’ve seen karma that I think takes lifetimes and I’ve felt a lot of it.”
Her other tattoos include a portrait in homage to her bulldog Elvis who tragically drowned in her pool done by Twig from Hart and Huntington Tattoo, the pink bows on the backs of her thighs that she admits were a drunken decision, and a large dragon on her left thigh by Australia’s Giovanni Di Mizio that acts as a cover up. “When I was in my mom’s stomach I sat cross-legged, so I have dimples in my leg and I hate them. So I covered them with my tattoo.” Just don’t expect her to come out of a tattoo shop covered in color. “I don’t take color well. I love seeing girls with the full sleeves that have beautiful koi fish and lotus flowers and vibrant colors, but I’m all about matchy matchy clothes and if had red and yellow on my arm, that would really fuck with me.”
As a result, most of her work is done in black-and-grey, a style that L.A. Ink’s Kat Von D specializes in. But Von D’s needle is not coming anywhere near Pink. “I’ve heard some things that she’s said about Carey in interviews and I don’t fucking like it. She doesn’t fucking know him so she can keep his fucking name out of her mouth as far as I’m concerned. I wouldn’t let her tattoo me. I know that’s probably putting my foot in my mouth because a lot of people like her, but I’m very loyal and I don’t like it when people who don’t know what they’re talking about talk about other people. Especially my husband. I think it was just the TV shows and Inked and there’s room for everybody. That’s what I learned a long time ago in the music business.”
Her beef with the L.A. Ink star and her split with Hart aside, Pink is trying to enjoy life more these days. “I want to disappear for a while. Pull a Houdini. But, no, I just want to laugh more. Have more fun.” Doing so would make her mother proud. “I get, ‘If you snarl in one more picture… I swear to god, you have such a pretty smile.’ Mom! It’s going to be alright. I won’t snarl on this album!”
Thursday, April 29, 2010
I wish...
So a genie decided to visit me to show to his genie mates that he could be a giving person.
He told me that I was being given unlimited wishes to perfect myself, no strings attached.
He said I didn't have to be literal, and that I didn't necessarily have to chose my words wisely, because he didn't feel like being a smart ass today ...
I wish ... I had Sarah's body. Seriously, she does Ballet, and her body is so toned. plus she's at a good height, it's short, but it's really cute.
I wish ... I had the exact same hairstyle as Selena Gomez in 'A Cinderella story'
I wish ... I had Selena Gomez's shaped nose.
I wish ... I had Selena Gomez's shaped eyebrows.
I wish ... I had no hair below my neck.
I wish ... I had been doing ballet since the age of two.
I wish ... I had been doing gymnastics since the age of four.
I wish ... I had been playing piano since the age of six.
I wish ... I had Amanda's tan. She's Hispanic, it's not too brown, but it looks golden and perfect.
I wish ... I could download all the information my teachers have inside their brains on the subjects i am taking, and upload it to my brain.
Real life solutions:
-Get a nose job.
-Wax/pluck the eyebrows
-Get rid of the hair somehow, look for treatments?
-Start a sport, tone up my body!
-Get a fake tan.
-Grow my hair out.
-Start playing piano.
-Study.
These are my new goals!
He told me that I was being given unlimited wishes to perfect myself, no strings attached.
He said I didn't have to be literal, and that I didn't necessarily have to chose my words wisely, because he didn't feel like being a smart ass today ...
I wish ... I had Sarah's body. Seriously, she does Ballet, and her body is so toned. plus she's at a good height, it's short, but it's really cute.
I wish ... I had the exact same hairstyle as Selena Gomez in 'A Cinderella story'
I wish ... I had Selena Gomez's shaped nose.
I wish ... I had Selena Gomez's shaped eyebrows.
I wish ... I had no hair below my neck.
I wish ... I had been doing ballet since the age of two.
I wish ... I had been doing gymnastics since the age of four.
I wish ... I had been playing piano since the age of six.
I wish ... I had Amanda's tan. She's Hispanic, it's not too brown, but it looks golden and perfect.
I wish ... I could download all the information my teachers have inside their brains on the subjects i am taking, and upload it to my brain.
Real life solutions:
-Get a nose job.
-Wax/pluck the eyebrows
-Get rid of the hair somehow, look for treatments?
-Start a sport, tone up my body!
-Get a fake tan.
-Grow my hair out.
-Start playing piano.
-Study.
These are my new goals!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Ouch
The current theme song of my life:
(Please listen to, and read along with the lyrics to best understand what i am talking about, then continue reading the blog)
Lyrics: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/katenash/skeletonsong.html
This song makes me think so much. It makes me want to slip back into the old me. The me that was not as smart as i am now, and made decisions that were not always for the best. The thing is, when i was that girl, i was the happiest! Besides the times where i am in love with P!nk, i mean the best thing that happened to me was my obsession with her returning, for both my mental and physical health. However an obsession with a famous singer can only go so far...
The old me was when i was at my skinniest, prettiest, most popular, and i generally felt GOOD about myself. I punished myself for doing things that made me feel bad, and i worked hard to make myself feel good. And the reward was a perfect body, great looks, the best friends i could ever ask for, and just generally a happy me.
And it just felt so darn GOOD! But my mum had to intervene...
And now i do all the right things, and i try and try to stay on track, to stay focused.
But i am just so fucking LONELY. I am alone at school. I really do dread going back, honest to god i have not got a single friend there. I know it takes time for the new girl to fit in, but it's been a year, isn't that enough time?
there is something wrong with me, i just can't connect with these people! Don't get me wrong, they're nice and all that, but i just can't connect.
I don't get them, and they don't get me.
I am also really unhappy with myself at the moment.
My body...there's just TOO much of it in some places, and not enough in others!
My thighs need to stick out less, they need to be a gentle slope, not fully slant outwards like a pair fucking water slides!
my knees are sooooooooo chubby that i swear to god you can lose a pencil in them or something!
I have the stupidest jelly belly, it doesn't go away no matter how many sit ups i do! I just want a flat tum, is that so much to fucking ask!?!?
My arms are the ugliest things you'll ever see. They are red, they have bumps on them and they are flabby, like fucking chicken wings or some shit!
My calves are just a stupid shape.
My boobs...don't get me started on THEM! They NEVER grow! I don't want big boobs, but it would be nice to have a handful or something! FUCKING HELL! The only thing that makes it okay is that P!nk doesn't have big boobs herself.
The last thing i hate about myself is my nose.
Just. Dude. It's not pointy, and it doesn't have a bump, but it sticks out like a fucking yellow elephant with purple spots! like nose, BE SMALLER PLEASE! Like Selena Gomez's nose, or even better, P!nk's nose. It's just PERFECT!
You lot probably think I'm being a whiny little whore, but i swear, i know my good parts just as well as my bad parts! I love my hair! I love my lips! I love my eyes! I love my forearms! I love my teeth!
I have tried EVERYTHING to get a good body! And when i say everything...i mean everything. Except liposuction. But i have tried so much! I have tried healthy eating, regular exercise...other things...and nothing WORKS!
The thing that worked most for me, my mum put a stop to! And i was SO much happier back then! So what if i was a little distant from my family?? I FELT BEAUTIFUL!
I strive for perfection. It's what i do, i can't help it, i just want perfection!
So what if my methods are frowned upon in modern society, i have never cared what the rest of the world thinks...well i try not to.
I'm doing this for MY happiness...
I realise i just contradicted my whole blog...i did not mean to that's just how i feel.
It's not pleasurable feeling like this...
(Please listen to, and read along with the lyrics to best understand what i am talking about, then continue reading the blog)
Lyrics: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/katenash/skeletonsong.html
This song makes me think so much. It makes me want to slip back into the old me. The me that was not as smart as i am now, and made decisions that were not always for the best. The thing is, when i was that girl, i was the happiest! Besides the times where i am in love with P!nk, i mean the best thing that happened to me was my obsession with her returning, for both my mental and physical health. However an obsession with a famous singer can only go so far...
The old me was when i was at my skinniest, prettiest, most popular, and i generally felt GOOD about myself. I punished myself for doing things that made me feel bad, and i worked hard to make myself feel good. And the reward was a perfect body, great looks, the best friends i could ever ask for, and just generally a happy me.
And it just felt so darn GOOD! But my mum had to intervene...
And now i do all the right things, and i try and try to stay on track, to stay focused.
But i am just so fucking LONELY. I am alone at school. I really do dread going back, honest to god i have not got a single friend there. I know it takes time for the new girl to fit in, but it's been a year, isn't that enough time?
there is something wrong with me, i just can't connect with these people! Don't get me wrong, they're nice and all that, but i just can't connect.
I don't get them, and they don't get me.
I am also really unhappy with myself at the moment.
My body...there's just TOO much of it in some places, and not enough in others!
My thighs need to stick out less, they need to be a gentle slope, not fully slant outwards like a pair fucking water slides!
my knees are sooooooooo chubby that i swear to god you can lose a pencil in them or something!
I have the stupidest jelly belly, it doesn't go away no matter how many sit ups i do! I just want a flat tum, is that so much to fucking ask!?!?
My arms are the ugliest things you'll ever see. They are red, they have bumps on them and they are flabby, like fucking chicken wings or some shit!
My calves are just a stupid shape.
My boobs...don't get me started on THEM! They NEVER grow! I don't want big boobs, but it would be nice to have a handful or something! FUCKING HELL! The only thing that makes it okay is that P!nk doesn't have big boobs herself.
The last thing i hate about myself is my nose.
Just. Dude. It's not pointy, and it doesn't have a bump, but it sticks out like a fucking yellow elephant with purple spots! like nose, BE SMALLER PLEASE! Like Selena Gomez's nose, or even better, P!nk's nose. It's just PERFECT!
You lot probably think I'm being a whiny little whore, but i swear, i know my good parts just as well as my bad parts! I love my hair! I love my lips! I love my eyes! I love my forearms! I love my teeth!
I have tried EVERYTHING to get a good body! And when i say everything...i mean everything. Except liposuction. But i have tried so much! I have tried healthy eating, regular exercise...other things...and nothing WORKS!
The thing that worked most for me, my mum put a stop to! And i was SO much happier back then! So what if i was a little distant from my family?? I FELT BEAUTIFUL!
I strive for perfection. It's what i do, i can't help it, i just want perfection!
So what if my methods are frowned upon in modern society, i have never cared what the rest of the world thinks...well i try not to.
I'm doing this for MY happiness...
I realise i just contradicted my whole blog...i did not mean to that's just how i feel.
It's not pleasurable feeling like this...
Friday, January 15, 2010
Victoria's Butterfly-Chapter 1
Victoria looked out of her window, down onto a wet football field.
There you have it. I have started narrating my own life again. Furthermore, I have gotten worse at it! A better way to go about it would have been 'Victoria gazed out of her frosted window, looking down upon a damp football field' or 'Victoria inspected the damp football field outside her foggy window.'
But no, i had to go with 'Victoria looked out of her window, down onto a wet football field.'
Aunt Millicent would say this was an improvement in my mental health, but i'd say it's me getting dumber.
Anyway, the reason i am looking down at the damp football field because i am hoping that he'll be out there. Who 'he' is exactly, i am not sure, however i DO know that he has great form. His tan muscular body ripples in the sun as he sprints down the yard, flipping his hair back. GOD it gives me the heeby jeebies! It also makes me wonder why someone so perfect can be a mental patient? Then i look at myself and realise that a person doesn't choose the illness, the illness chooses them.
And guess who's the chosen one? None other than yours truly...
However, i am happy to be 'ill' ... it's better than facing most of the horrors in the world. My mind is my haven, and who is aunt Millicent to tell me that i think wrong?
If i were to tell aunt Millicent that, she would blow her top! The thing is, aunt Millicent is NOT my aunt. She just insists that we all call her 'aunt'. I suppose it's her way of trying to level with us, she's trying to get on the same page as us. It just makes her look like a try hard, which naturally makes us hate her. For a counseller, she sure needs a lot of help herself! She has low self esteem... I'd feel sorry for her if she was a more empathetic woman, but alas, i cannot empathise or sympathise with a woman who lacks such an important quality.
I sat up as i saw a figure outside my window. A wave of disappointment washed threw me as i realised it was the gardener. "Hey groundskeeper Willie!" I yelled down to him him. Of course that isn't his real name, the nickname originated when Charlie came to town. And by 'town' i mean the mental hospital that we all call home.
You see, Charlie thinks he is inside one gigantic, life-long episode of 'The Simpsons', and he gives people in his life names from the show. He of course is Bart, so you can imagine what kind of shit he gets up to. Of course the gardener is 'groundskeeper Willie' I myself am Milhouse. Which is ludicrous considering I HAVE A VAGINA. He can't seem to fathom this though, so i leave him to his fantasy. This of course means that he drags me along to all his trouble making shenanigans. I love it of course. It pisses aunt Millicent off.
A glance at the clock reveals the time. 6.57am. Breakfast time!
As i reached the dining room doors, i scanned the tables, looking for my usual posse. Although, as usual i was the first one there. One of the bad things about being an insomniac. I didn't have to wait long before i was joined by Taz. Taz was the strongest person i had ever met. He always kept me in line, making sure i kept my head. He was, as cheesy as it sounds, my rock. He was also openly gay. i had never met someone so comfortable with his sexuality as much as Taz was with his. I admired him for this; in a world so prejudiced, he was able to stand up and beam out his true colours. "vickie." He nodded.
"Morning." I responded.
Taz moved his blonde hair to reveal his mud coloured eyes.
"What's for breakfast?"
"Food"
"Oh that's a change!"
We got up and went to the canteen to get our breakfast.
Two minutes later, while munching down on vegemite toast and coco pops, we were joined by our other friends, Billie and Hodge. Now i don't know much about Billie and Hodge. They don't talk much, and when they do, their heads are together and they speak in such low soundwaves that no one can hear them. In fact i don't think they talk at all, i think they just read each other's lips. The only real communication is if you ask one of them a question. Billie always answers, however she avoids eye contact at all costs. One night as i was walking the school yard at midnight (I always sneak out, every night i go for walks because i can't sleep) i stumbled across the two in the middle of the field, stark naked, going at it like rabbits. It was rather...graphic.
"Any sign of Fred?" I asked no one in particaular.
Now Fred was a basket case if i ever did see one! His name is not actually Fred, in fact no one knows his real name. He tells us that his name has a tab on it, and if it is used, 'they' will come and get him. I havn't exactly found out who 'they' are yet, but i am working on it. He also sleeps until about 5pm, even though he goes to bed at around 9pm. One time i walked into his room in the early morning, before the sun come up, to find him with a pillow stuffed up his top. He was caressing it and swaying and humming. I backed out slowly. Unfortunately for me the door clicked, and there were sreeches of 'YOU WILL NOT GET MY BABY!" As i tore down the hallway. Apparently he had hurled the urn that held the ashes of his grandfather, because before i could turn the corner something hard hit the back of my head. I was thrown to the ground and landed amidst a pile of ashes and porcelin.
I quickly got up and continued running and didn't stop until i got to my room.
You're probably wondering why I am here? Wel i'd tell you if i could, but as it happens i do not know why i have a mental disorder. At times i almost feel normal...but when i crack i am like an atom bomb. Apparently. I never remember these things. My counsellors of course know why i am in here, but they refuse to tell me. I have to remember on my own, it's all apart of the 'recovery plan'. rather ridiculous considering i can only remember as far back as my second week in here. I woke up in restraints, in a padded white room. There was a raw, bald patch on my head where i had pulled out my hair. I remember yelling out 'help!' and then being startled by two big men opening the door and cautiously approaching me.
"I'm in a madhouse." They stopped in their tracks at my statement.
"We prefer the term mental hospital." The men parted to reveal a third man. He smiled down at me. "I am doctor Niko Draven, i'm your doctor."
At this i gave him a befuddled look. "I'm not mad."
"Currently you are sane. However at the slightest provocation you snap. You're not 'you' when you snap, you're a whole different person."
Put yourself in my shoes. You've just found out that you're a crazy person in a nuthouse. Naturally you'd get angry, right?"
"I'M NOT MAD!"
His eyes searched mine. I tried to send vibes to him, telling him not to mess with me, because i was NOT mad!
"Do you remember your name?"
I opened my mouth to reply, however nothing was there.
Of course i know my name! Of course i do!
He sighed. "You will remember, in due time."
"What, so you're not even going to tell me my own name?"
"It's all apart of the recovery plan. You have to learn all of this in your own time..."
"BULLSHIT! How do i know that you're not some whackjob pedo trying to take advantage of me!? How do i know that you have not kidnapped me and brainwashed me?"
He took all this in stride. "You don't. However you do not have much choice. We will give you room to move, if you show us you're ready. I'm sure those things are annoying?"
i looked down at my restraints. "Why am i in this fucking thing anyway?"
"I'd prefer you didn't swear."
"Tough."
"Think about what i just said. We will give you room to move if you show us you're ready. Right now you are showing us that you need to stay in those restraints."
"Why, because i am fucking angry that i don't know who, or where the fuck i am?"
"Again, i'd prefer it if you didn't swear..."
"I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE FUCKING ANGRY!"
"Of course you do. Of course. However there are ways of letting off steam. We have ways here, we have self defence lessons, art lessons, music lessons, whatever your heart desires. However i do NOT like it when my patients go around swearing and acting violent."
"I'm not violent..."
He lifted up his top, and underneath was a bandage which he proceeded to unwrap. He then revealed his torso, which was bruised with an array of colours, ranging from black and purple to orange and yellow.
"um..."
"I, unfortunatly, was at the recieving end of one of your kicks. You kick hard."
"...i..uh."
He let his top fall over his torso and started rolling the bandage up.
I lowered my gaze as fat tears ra the length of my nose.
"I Don't remember doing that."
"I assure you, these cracked ribs were made by impact of your foot."
"I'm sorry..."
"I think you have proved you can be trusted without the straight jacket."
He moved towards me to take off my restraints.
He then showed me around the hospital, including taking time to let me sign up for classes.
I signed up for self defence and art classes. I then learned that i had a thing called 'group' at 2pm everyday.
Well a year has since passed, and all i have learned about myself is that my name is Victoria, i love classical music, i am 16 turning 17 on the 16th of May and I once had a cat named The Flash.
"Vickie come on we'll be late for self defence!" Taz's voice broke through my reminisce. A glance at my wristwatch revealed that it was almost 8am.
We set off towards our defence class.
-End of chapter 1-
There you have it. I have started narrating my own life again. Furthermore, I have gotten worse at it! A better way to go about it would have been 'Victoria gazed out of her frosted window, looking down upon a damp football field' or 'Victoria inspected the damp football field outside her foggy window.'
But no, i had to go with 'Victoria looked out of her window, down onto a wet football field.'
Aunt Millicent would say this was an improvement in my mental health, but i'd say it's me getting dumber.
Anyway, the reason i am looking down at the damp football field because i am hoping that he'll be out there. Who 'he' is exactly, i am not sure, however i DO know that he has great form. His tan muscular body ripples in the sun as he sprints down the yard, flipping his hair back. GOD it gives me the heeby jeebies! It also makes me wonder why someone so perfect can be a mental patient? Then i look at myself and realise that a person doesn't choose the illness, the illness chooses them.
And guess who's the chosen one? None other than yours truly...
However, i am happy to be 'ill' ... it's better than facing most of the horrors in the world. My mind is my haven, and who is aunt Millicent to tell me that i think wrong?
If i were to tell aunt Millicent that, she would blow her top! The thing is, aunt Millicent is NOT my aunt. She just insists that we all call her 'aunt'. I suppose it's her way of trying to level with us, she's trying to get on the same page as us. It just makes her look like a try hard, which naturally makes us hate her. For a counseller, she sure needs a lot of help herself! She has low self esteem... I'd feel sorry for her if she was a more empathetic woman, but alas, i cannot empathise or sympathise with a woman who lacks such an important quality.
I sat up as i saw a figure outside my window. A wave of disappointment washed threw me as i realised it was the gardener. "Hey groundskeeper Willie!" I yelled down to him him. Of course that isn't his real name, the nickname originated when Charlie came to town. And by 'town' i mean the mental hospital that we all call home.
You see, Charlie thinks he is inside one gigantic, life-long episode of 'The Simpsons', and he gives people in his life names from the show. He of course is Bart, so you can imagine what kind of shit he gets up to. Of course the gardener is 'groundskeeper Willie' I myself am Milhouse. Which is ludicrous considering I HAVE A VAGINA. He can't seem to fathom this though, so i leave him to his fantasy. This of course means that he drags me along to all his trouble making shenanigans. I love it of course. It pisses aunt Millicent off.
A glance at the clock reveals the time. 6.57am. Breakfast time!
As i reached the dining room doors, i scanned the tables, looking for my usual posse. Although, as usual i was the first one there. One of the bad things about being an insomniac. I didn't have to wait long before i was joined by Taz. Taz was the strongest person i had ever met. He always kept me in line, making sure i kept my head. He was, as cheesy as it sounds, my rock. He was also openly gay. i had never met someone so comfortable with his sexuality as much as Taz was with his. I admired him for this; in a world so prejudiced, he was able to stand up and beam out his true colours. "vickie." He nodded.
"Morning." I responded.
Taz moved his blonde hair to reveal his mud coloured eyes.
"What's for breakfast?"
"Food"
"Oh that's a change!"
We got up and went to the canteen to get our breakfast.
Two minutes later, while munching down on vegemite toast and coco pops, we were joined by our other friends, Billie and Hodge. Now i don't know much about Billie and Hodge. They don't talk much, and when they do, their heads are together and they speak in such low soundwaves that no one can hear them. In fact i don't think they talk at all, i think they just read each other's lips. The only real communication is if you ask one of them a question. Billie always answers, however she avoids eye contact at all costs. One night as i was walking the school yard at midnight (I always sneak out, every night i go for walks because i can't sleep) i stumbled across the two in the middle of the field, stark naked, going at it like rabbits. It was rather...graphic.
"Any sign of Fred?" I asked no one in particaular.
Now Fred was a basket case if i ever did see one! His name is not actually Fred, in fact no one knows his real name. He tells us that his name has a tab on it, and if it is used, 'they' will come and get him. I havn't exactly found out who 'they' are yet, but i am working on it. He also sleeps until about 5pm, even though he goes to bed at around 9pm. One time i walked into his room in the early morning, before the sun come up, to find him with a pillow stuffed up his top. He was caressing it and swaying and humming. I backed out slowly. Unfortunately for me the door clicked, and there were sreeches of 'YOU WILL NOT GET MY BABY!" As i tore down the hallway. Apparently he had hurled the urn that held the ashes of his grandfather, because before i could turn the corner something hard hit the back of my head. I was thrown to the ground and landed amidst a pile of ashes and porcelin.
I quickly got up and continued running and didn't stop until i got to my room.
You're probably wondering why I am here? Wel i'd tell you if i could, but as it happens i do not know why i have a mental disorder. At times i almost feel normal...but when i crack i am like an atom bomb. Apparently. I never remember these things. My counsellors of course know why i am in here, but they refuse to tell me. I have to remember on my own, it's all apart of the 'recovery plan'. rather ridiculous considering i can only remember as far back as my second week in here. I woke up in restraints, in a padded white room. There was a raw, bald patch on my head where i had pulled out my hair. I remember yelling out 'help!' and then being startled by two big men opening the door and cautiously approaching me.
"I'm in a madhouse." They stopped in their tracks at my statement.
"We prefer the term mental hospital." The men parted to reveal a third man. He smiled down at me. "I am doctor Niko Draven, i'm your doctor."
At this i gave him a befuddled look. "I'm not mad."
"Currently you are sane. However at the slightest provocation you snap. You're not 'you' when you snap, you're a whole different person."
Put yourself in my shoes. You've just found out that you're a crazy person in a nuthouse. Naturally you'd get angry, right?"
"I'M NOT MAD!"
His eyes searched mine. I tried to send vibes to him, telling him not to mess with me, because i was NOT mad!
"Do you remember your name?"
I opened my mouth to reply, however nothing was there.
Of course i know my name! Of course i do!
He sighed. "You will remember, in due time."
"What, so you're not even going to tell me my own name?"
"It's all apart of the recovery plan. You have to learn all of this in your own time..."
"BULLSHIT! How do i know that you're not some whackjob pedo trying to take advantage of me!? How do i know that you have not kidnapped me and brainwashed me?"
He took all this in stride. "You don't. However you do not have much choice. We will give you room to move, if you show us you're ready. I'm sure those things are annoying?"
i looked down at my restraints. "Why am i in this fucking thing anyway?"
"I'd prefer you didn't swear."
"Tough."
"Think about what i just said. We will give you room to move if you show us you're ready. Right now you are showing us that you need to stay in those restraints."
"Why, because i am fucking angry that i don't know who, or where the fuck i am?"
"Again, i'd prefer it if you didn't swear..."
"I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE FUCKING ANGRY!"
"Of course you do. Of course. However there are ways of letting off steam. We have ways here, we have self defence lessons, art lessons, music lessons, whatever your heart desires. However i do NOT like it when my patients go around swearing and acting violent."
"I'm not violent..."
He lifted up his top, and underneath was a bandage which he proceeded to unwrap. He then revealed his torso, which was bruised with an array of colours, ranging from black and purple to orange and yellow.
"um..."
"I, unfortunatly, was at the recieving end of one of your kicks. You kick hard."
"...i..uh."
He let his top fall over his torso and started rolling the bandage up.
I lowered my gaze as fat tears ra the length of my nose.
"I Don't remember doing that."
"I assure you, these cracked ribs were made by impact of your foot."
"I'm sorry..."
"I think you have proved you can be trusted without the straight jacket."
He moved towards me to take off my restraints.
He then showed me around the hospital, including taking time to let me sign up for classes.
I signed up for self defence and art classes. I then learned that i had a thing called 'group' at 2pm everyday.
Well a year has since passed, and all i have learned about myself is that my name is Victoria, i love classical music, i am 16 turning 17 on the 16th of May and I once had a cat named The Flash.
"Vickie come on we'll be late for self defence!" Taz's voice broke through my reminisce. A glance at my wristwatch revealed that it was almost 8am.
We set off towards our defence class.
-End of chapter 1-
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
just another day at the Deli ...
When i first got there, a customer wanted me to carve ham off the bone. She wanted me to carve it thinly, which if you've ever carved ham, is IMPOSSIBLE D:
We have sliced ham off the bone right next to it...
anyway, i was like dying trying to cut it thin.
Then we had to do deep cleaning, and i started the wrong one. (i started doing monday night's instead of wednesday's) so i wasted time removing things then putting them back in. Then we started cleaning the area that were cleaned on tuesdays, so we had to put them all back in too. anyway, we finally got the deep cleaning done.
THEN the drain was clogged, because we couldn't get the grates out. And they have been that way for ages...two weeks ago when i was closing on my room i didn't clean out the drains because i couldn't get the grate out. Meaning no one had cleaned it for two weeks...can you IMAGINE the smell? It was so clogged. I had to put my hands right down the drain to get all the crap out. It stunk worse than egg farts!
THEEEEEEEEN i had to clean out the coolroom, but there was a trolly chocked full of mrs crocket's salad, so you can imagine how heavy it was. So what do i do? I push it on my toe. IT HURTTTTT so much that i couldn't speak.
Then about five minutes before hometime, i was doing the dishes, and i shoved my hand in the water, but it was too hot. I was holding on to my pee, but i let go from the pain and peed my pants. A lot.
It's funny because all through out the shift, we were discussing how working at the Deli can pretty much prepare you for anything, any discusting job, and any enjurance job.
Good day (Y) haha
We have sliced ham off the bone right next to it...
anyway, i was like dying trying to cut it thin.
Then we had to do deep cleaning, and i started the wrong one. (i started doing monday night's instead of wednesday's) so i wasted time removing things then putting them back in. Then we started cleaning the area that were cleaned on tuesdays, so we had to put them all back in too. anyway, we finally got the deep cleaning done.
THEN the drain was clogged, because we couldn't get the grates out. And they have been that way for ages...two weeks ago when i was closing on my room i didn't clean out the drains because i couldn't get the grate out. Meaning no one had cleaned it for two weeks...can you IMAGINE the smell? It was so clogged. I had to put my hands right down the drain to get all the crap out. It stunk worse than egg farts!
THEEEEEEEEN i had to clean out the coolroom, but there was a trolly chocked full of mrs crocket's salad, so you can imagine how heavy it was. So what do i do? I push it on my toe. IT HURTTTTT so much that i couldn't speak.
Then about five minutes before hometime, i was doing the dishes, and i shoved my hand in the water, but it was too hot. I was holding on to my pee, but i let go from the pain and peed my pants. A lot.
It's funny because all through out the shift, we were discussing how working at the Deli can pretty much prepare you for anything, any discusting job, and any enjurance job.
Good day (Y) haha
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
The stupidity of bugs (and fun games to play with them)
I'm talking about the minuscule bugs, the ones that just look like a black dot.
One day i was sitting at my desk at school, staring out the window rather than listening to the teacher when i saw a bug on my table. Yes that's right, a bug. I was with my friends Tilly and Skye. I picked up my pen and drew a circle around it, and to my utter amazement, the bug stayed in the circle!
It thought it couldn't get out ...
Then it just crawled over the circle and continued on it's way. I quickly caught the girls' attention, and did it again. The bug stayed in the cicrle again!
But like last time, it eventually crawled out. I drew a bigger circle next time, but that didn't work.
Then, the other night i was playig on my computer when a bug flew on to the computer screen. It being 3am, i was not thinking straight, so i tried to remove it with the curser, and shock horror! the bug followed the curser!
I moved the curser in a circular motion around the bug, and it moved ina circle to follow it ...
Soo ODD!
One day i was sitting at my desk at school, staring out the window rather than listening to the teacher when i saw a bug on my table. Yes that's right, a bug. I was with my friends Tilly and Skye. I picked up my pen and drew a circle around it, and to my utter amazement, the bug stayed in the circle!
It thought it couldn't get out ...
Then it just crawled over the circle and continued on it's way. I quickly caught the girls' attention, and did it again. The bug stayed in the cicrle again!
But like last time, it eventually crawled out. I drew a bigger circle next time, but that didn't work.
Then, the other night i was playig on my computer when a bug flew on to the computer screen. It being 3am, i was not thinking straight, so i tried to remove it with the curser, and shock horror! the bug followed the curser!
I moved the curser in a circular motion around the bug, and it moved ina circle to follow it ...
Soo ODD!
My dream...
I was walking down a footpath, then i entered this caravan thingy. There was an extremely hot guy there who said he wanted to have sex with me. He then jerked himself off until his penis reached his chin (WTF) then tried to rape me.
I grabbed an axe and then chopped his penis off. Then i hammered him to a wall, installed a shelf above his head, and lay the penis on the shelf.
Then i went to get an icecream.
I grabbed an axe and then chopped his penis off. Then i hammered him to a wall, installed a shelf above his head, and lay the penis on the shelf.
Then i went to get an icecream.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Just a quick vent.
There has been so much fighting in my family lately!
It is so frusterating, and right now my ex best friend's mum is over.
I like her, she was always a nice woman, and i always felt guilty in the way her daughter treated her. And then when i broke it off with Skye (ex best friend) I felt guilty because her mother always hated it when we fought.
Her mum is on my side of the fight, and she also feels guilty and ashamed about the way her daughter treated me, and it feels good that we can still talk.
She is out the back playing darts and drinking with my mum and second mum Catherine, and generally having a good time.
However, yes there is a however, i cannot relax because everytime i hear a raised voice i think they're fighting.
D:<
I hope tonight doesn't end up in tears...i really don't.
It is so frusterating, and right now my ex best friend's mum is over.
I like her, she was always a nice woman, and i always felt guilty in the way her daughter treated her. And then when i broke it off with Skye (ex best friend) I felt guilty because her mother always hated it when we fought.
Her mum is on my side of the fight, and she also feels guilty and ashamed about the way her daughter treated me, and it feels good that we can still talk.
She is out the back playing darts and drinking with my mum and second mum Catherine, and generally having a good time.
However, yes there is a however, i cannot relax because everytime i hear a raised voice i think they're fighting.
D:<
I hope tonight doesn't end up in tears...i really don't.
The Scattered
This blog is different from the rest.
I am going to talk about the most painful things in my life atm. It is going to take awhile, and it's going to hurt, but sometimes i get so angry at night for no reason.
I just feel these jets of anger shoot through me, and i twitch.
Which means that whenever i am nodding off to sleep, just boarding the train to lala land, i jerk and am forced to be awake.
so i have narrowed it down to two causes; A) i have too much energy and need to start working out again, (i shall be starting tonight!) and B) I am full of anger, because let's face it, when you don't talk about it, it gets bottled up. (So i'll be writing it down.)
Well I already told of the tantrum my grandpa threw.
And apparently that wasn't even one tenth of what he was capable of, and what my mum had to grow up with as a child.
I didn't even realise it, that we come from a family witha history of violence. But we do, so there you go.
Mum won't fully tell me what happened.
Which makes me feel guilty, because i have such a clean cut life.
It's not fair, how some people totally have all the luck, and some people draw the short end of the straw.
Although somestimes a family can appear crystal clear on the surface, but as you dig deeper there's all these horrible stories.
Take P!nk for example, to an outsider her life seems so perfect, truly something to be proud of! She has the perfect body, she is the most gorgeous person in the world, she has so many people who love her, including some she have never met, and she has the most wonderful, perfect dream man; Carey Hart.
But it probably isn't as pristine perfect as it seems. We all know that she had a tough childhood, and she is usually brutally honest with us, and always makes sure that if she is in a crap mood, it's known.
But who knows, maybe she has a deep dark secret that she can't share with the rest of the world?
Maybe we all do...
I guess, with human kind there will always be pain.
Another issue lately is i find it awkward to hold a conversation.
Well, it's okay if i can look away, but it makes me nervous to make eye contact.
You should see me when i make a public speech though ... not a coherant thought in my head!
I know i said i was going to blog about the thing that 'was most painfull', but i am truly not ready yet.
I can't even admit yet that it hurts me, i am not saying it does hurt me, but right now, i cannot admit to anything on this subject.
It's just fuly numb, and i'm worried if i pick at it...well you can guess.
Maybe one day...in due time.
But i swear i am strong enough not to care...
i am strong enough not to let it get to me...
I am going to talk about the most painful things in my life atm. It is going to take awhile, and it's going to hurt, but sometimes i get so angry at night for no reason.
I just feel these jets of anger shoot through me, and i twitch.
Which means that whenever i am nodding off to sleep, just boarding the train to lala land, i jerk and am forced to be awake.
so i have narrowed it down to two causes; A) i have too much energy and need to start working out again, (i shall be starting tonight!) and B) I am full of anger, because let's face it, when you don't talk about it, it gets bottled up. (So i'll be writing it down.)
Well I already told of the tantrum my grandpa threw.
And apparently that wasn't even one tenth of what he was capable of, and what my mum had to grow up with as a child.
I didn't even realise it, that we come from a family witha history of violence. But we do, so there you go.
Mum won't fully tell me what happened.
Which makes me feel guilty, because i have such a clean cut life.
It's not fair, how some people totally have all the luck, and some people draw the short end of the straw.
Although somestimes a family can appear crystal clear on the surface, but as you dig deeper there's all these horrible stories.
Take P!nk for example, to an outsider her life seems so perfect, truly something to be proud of! She has the perfect body, she is the most gorgeous person in the world, she has so many people who love her, including some she have never met, and she has the most wonderful, perfect dream man; Carey Hart.
But it probably isn't as pristine perfect as it seems. We all know that she had a tough childhood, and she is usually brutally honest with us, and always makes sure that if she is in a crap mood, it's known.
But who knows, maybe she has a deep dark secret that she can't share with the rest of the world?
Maybe we all do...
I guess, with human kind there will always be pain.
Another issue lately is i find it awkward to hold a conversation.
Well, it's okay if i can look away, but it makes me nervous to make eye contact.
You should see me when i make a public speech though ... not a coherant thought in my head!
I know i said i was going to blog about the thing that 'was most painfull', but i am truly not ready yet.
I can't even admit yet that it hurts me, i am not saying it does hurt me, but right now, i cannot admit to anything on this subject.
It's just fuly numb, and i'm worried if i pick at it...well you can guess.
Maybe one day...in due time.
But i swear i am strong enough not to care...
i am strong enough not to let it get to me...
Friday, January 8, 2010
Things i can do, and you can't!
Swivel my eyes around in their socket.
Relieve my bladder/bowels.
Move my fingers.
Control my hand.
See things from my perspective.
Smell things with my noes.
I can be the only person on a bus, from my perspective, i'm the first person there, from someone else who just walked on's perspective, they are the second. One bus, two complete strangers, two perspectives.
Doesn't this all just make you THINK!?
Relieve my bladder/bowels.
Move my fingers.
Control my hand.
See things from my perspective.
Smell things with my noes.
I can be the only person on a bus, from my perspective, i'm the first person there, from someone else who just walked on's perspective, they are the second. One bus, two complete strangers, two perspectives.
Doesn't this all just make you THINK!?
My day!
I went to sleep at 2, and woke up at 7.30.
My dream last night was not too bad, but it still invloved horses being raced, equiped with jockeys right in the middle of 'centro' the glen.
For those of you that don't know, it's a shopping complex. (lik a mall or westfield or chadstone or blahblahblahblahblah)
Certainly NO place for race horses!
Anyway, i met my cousin, Cass at the pool, however i took the wrong bus.
We looked it up on the internet,but instead of heading towards the pool, the bus headed up the other end of the road.
It's okay, it was only a five minure walk, plus Cass was late anyway because her bus didn't arrive until 9.20, so it would have been quicker for her to walk.
Anyway, i ended up doing 12 laps of the pool ... kinda hopeless haha!
I also found two lady bugs on Cass's towel, and when i picked them up with my finger i realised they were mating ...
i tried to take a picture, but as soon as i got my phone, the male flew away, but the female stayed. (probably in shock at how quickly it was AHA) so i put her on the ground.
Then i noticed some yellow sticky stuff on me...
10 points to whoever can guess what THAT was! :O
We then went, wet hair and all, into the city to Crown casino.
we ate lunch at the food court (cass had singapore noodles, i had fruit salad)
and then saw Sherlock Holmes, which is a great movie!!!
After that we went to Southern Cross station, and waited for my auntie Susie, Cass's mum.
We missed our train to wait for her, and then the next two to glen waverley were cancelled!
so we took the next one after that, which was PACKED! But it;s okay we got the seat.
There was a chick who looked pregnant, so we wanted to give her one of our seats, but we weren't sure if she was or not and we didn't want to offend her...
Then, on the way home i foiund a five dollar note! I looked at it, and it barely registered in my mind what it was, so i took two steps, then i'm like 'hang on, dude, free money!'
so i picked up up. about a metre down there was another note! 10 bucks this time.
So, to top off a pretty awesome day, i scored 15 bucks :)
My dream last night was not too bad, but it still invloved horses being raced, equiped with jockeys right in the middle of 'centro' the glen.
For those of you that don't know, it's a shopping complex. (lik a mall or westfield or chadstone or blahblahblahblahblah)
Certainly NO place for race horses!
Anyway, i met my cousin, Cass at the pool, however i took the wrong bus.
We looked it up on the internet,but instead of heading towards the pool, the bus headed up the other end of the road.
It's okay, it was only a five minure walk, plus Cass was late anyway because her bus didn't arrive until 9.20, so it would have been quicker for her to walk.
Anyway, i ended up doing 12 laps of the pool ... kinda hopeless haha!
I also found two lady bugs on Cass's towel, and when i picked them up with my finger i realised they were mating ...
i tried to take a picture, but as soon as i got my phone, the male flew away, but the female stayed. (probably in shock at how quickly it was AHA) so i put her on the ground.
Then i noticed some yellow sticky stuff on me...
10 points to whoever can guess what THAT was! :O
We then went, wet hair and all, into the city to Crown casino.
we ate lunch at the food court (cass had singapore noodles, i had fruit salad)
and then saw Sherlock Holmes, which is a great movie!!!
After that we went to Southern Cross station, and waited for my auntie Susie, Cass's mum.
We missed our train to wait for her, and then the next two to glen waverley were cancelled!
so we took the next one after that, which was PACKED! But it;s okay we got the seat.
There was a chick who looked pregnant, so we wanted to give her one of our seats, but we weren't sure if she was or not and we didn't want to offend her...
Then, on the way home i foiund a five dollar note! I looked at it, and it barely registered in my mind what it was, so i took two steps, then i'm like 'hang on, dude, free money!'
so i picked up up. about a metre down there was another note! 10 bucks this time.
So, to top off a pretty awesome day, i scored 15 bucks :)
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Interpretate THIS ...
Dream:
I head a wolf howl, and pannicked because my two cats and my dog (R.I.P) Were outside. I tried to get them inside, but they keep running outside.
The wolf plodded up to the back door, which is sliding glass and started wagging it's tail.
My animals still being outside, i was rather nervous, but the wolf looked friendly enough and wagged it's tail everytime i went up to the door, so i opened the door and went to pat it.
However, a man came and held a gun to me, telling me to drink some odd substance. It was an experiment that would give me superpowers or something, but they were going to kidnap me and use it to their advantage.
After refusing, he shot his gun which barely missed my tummy.
I drank the drink, and my mum came out and shouted at me, and took the man's side when i told him that he nearly shot me.
I was then enslaved in my own house, and had to do everything that the man and his 'team' told me to. There was two women, the man and a few faceless others, just goons.
Time lapsed by and i decided to escape. I ran outside, down the driveway, and saw that my neighbours were in their driveway across the road.
I plead for help, but they thought i was crazy and quickly got in their car and drove away. I ran to the end of my street and burst into the front door of a house where i know an old couple to live. (i walk past them everyday when i go to and from school, the man is usually at his desk, which is in the kitchen, our aquaintanceship goes as far as a smile if we meet eyes) anyway, the man was there crying.
With bloodshot and tear filled eyes he told me 'i'm glad you came...'
and then i realised his wife had died.
I then saw his curtains wre open, meaning that if the bad people were out there, they could see me, so i ducked down.
The man was confused, and i burst into tears and told him my situation.
With a kind smile, he told me i could stay.
My cousin Cass then came by to help me.
She was standing up, and i was worried because i thought the bad people may see her and think it was me.
My fears were soon realised when there was a tapping on the window, then the glass smashed. Outside was the bad woman.
My cosuin and i quickly ran outside, and by then my powers started to work.
I electrified everyone out of my way, and me and my cousoin legged it.
We met up with my other cousin, Cass's brother Zac, and found a hiding spot, which was a child's cubby house.
We got tracked down to the cubby house, and the woman came in the door and stood by the window.
My powers failed to work, but at that second a tyrannosaurus rex burst through the abnormally large window, grabbed her my the head and ate her.
The rest of the group followed her in, and totally ignoring our pleas of not going 'near the window' they were eaten too.
Then another tyrannosaurus poked it's head through the door, me and my cousin's were trapped in the corner.
we were trying to be quiet, not to let the tyrannosaurus rex's know that we were there, then suddenly my cousin's ran for it.
The Rex's stayed and started sniffing around, so i ran after my cousin's.
That's when the Rex's took chase.
Then it went wierd, i turned into one of the Rex's and started mating with the other one...
then i turned back into myself and ran to my cousin's house.
We were so happy that we were safe that we went out the back to play with the clothes line (huh?)
That's when a velociraptor poked it's head over the fence and said to my cousin Zac 'if i hear your voice, i am going to bite your head off'
to which he said "me...?"
"yes you"
I was SO happy that it was not me in trouble this time, then i realised that there was no way Zac could be quiet in his own house...
so i shot myself, because i couldn't handle anyone dying...
I head a wolf howl, and pannicked because my two cats and my dog (R.I.P) Were outside. I tried to get them inside, but they keep running outside.
The wolf plodded up to the back door, which is sliding glass and started wagging it's tail.
My animals still being outside, i was rather nervous, but the wolf looked friendly enough and wagged it's tail everytime i went up to the door, so i opened the door and went to pat it.
However, a man came and held a gun to me, telling me to drink some odd substance. It was an experiment that would give me superpowers or something, but they were going to kidnap me and use it to their advantage.
After refusing, he shot his gun which barely missed my tummy.
I drank the drink, and my mum came out and shouted at me, and took the man's side when i told him that he nearly shot me.
I was then enslaved in my own house, and had to do everything that the man and his 'team' told me to. There was two women, the man and a few faceless others, just goons.
Time lapsed by and i decided to escape. I ran outside, down the driveway, and saw that my neighbours were in their driveway across the road.
I plead for help, but they thought i was crazy and quickly got in their car and drove away. I ran to the end of my street and burst into the front door of a house where i know an old couple to live. (i walk past them everyday when i go to and from school, the man is usually at his desk, which is in the kitchen, our aquaintanceship goes as far as a smile if we meet eyes) anyway, the man was there crying.
With bloodshot and tear filled eyes he told me 'i'm glad you came...'
and then i realised his wife had died.
I then saw his curtains wre open, meaning that if the bad people were out there, they could see me, so i ducked down.
The man was confused, and i burst into tears and told him my situation.
With a kind smile, he told me i could stay.
My cousin Cass then came by to help me.
She was standing up, and i was worried because i thought the bad people may see her and think it was me.
My fears were soon realised when there was a tapping on the window, then the glass smashed. Outside was the bad woman.
My cosuin and i quickly ran outside, and by then my powers started to work.
I electrified everyone out of my way, and me and my cousoin legged it.
We met up with my other cousin, Cass's brother Zac, and found a hiding spot, which was a child's cubby house.
We got tracked down to the cubby house, and the woman came in the door and stood by the window.
My powers failed to work, but at that second a tyrannosaurus rex burst through the abnormally large window, grabbed her my the head and ate her.
The rest of the group followed her in, and totally ignoring our pleas of not going 'near the window' they were eaten too.
Then another tyrannosaurus poked it's head through the door, me and my cousin's were trapped in the corner.
we were trying to be quiet, not to let the tyrannosaurus rex's know that we were there, then suddenly my cousin's ran for it.
The Rex's stayed and started sniffing around, so i ran after my cousin's.
That's when the Rex's took chase.
Then it went wierd, i turned into one of the Rex's and started mating with the other one...
then i turned back into myself and ran to my cousin's house.
We were so happy that we were safe that we went out the back to play with the clothes line (huh?)
That's when a velociraptor poked it's head over the fence and said to my cousin Zac 'if i hear your voice, i am going to bite your head off'
to which he said "me...?"
"yes you"
I was SO happy that it was not me in trouble this time, then i realised that there was no way Zac could be quiet in his own house...
so i shot myself, because i couldn't handle anyone dying...
Sunday, January 3, 2010
King for a Day, Princess by dawn!
WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL I am back from Lakes Entrance a day early, and all will be explained of course, in due time.
Last night i did not sleep one bit, and i am wide awake. I am on some odd euphoric high, but don't you worry, come 4pm i'll crash.
Dang. I have to work from 5 till 10 tonight.
Moving on!
My holiday was GREAT! Although i did miss my p!nk community on twitter. To an outsider that sounds really disturbing, but you can just piss off.
These people treat me better than people do in the 'real world', so i'd choose talking to them over the internet than people i know anyday!
Back to my holiday ... I got a tan, and on my shoulder i got a sunburn which apparently looks like a penis.
On new years eve Lakes Entrance always has a party thingy, with a small band singing songs that we may or may not know. there are then fireworks, and me and my cousin crawled over the rocks near the water to watch. IT was awesome, as we were right underneath them! (They were released from a boat on the water)
Then we drove up a hill with our grandparents to watch the 12am fireworks.
As a tradition we yelled stuff at passerbys out the window, although this year we were restricted to 'happy new year' as 'BOO!' apparently sounds likes another word...a racist one. I've never heard of it, but considering the town is populated by many aboriginals, we had to oblige
Anyway, there is a cliff that me and my cousin, cass sit at and just look at the scenery. Well, some land was sold there for houses (nothing is fucking sacred anymore!) And there was this huge monstrosity that some rich fucker dared call a house. Anyway, while me and cass were innocently going for a gander, which we had been doing for the past three years, three teenagers come out.
There was a seat there, a normal park bench, and apparently they owned it, despite it being on pulic property.
They proceeded to yell 'pull out your tits' and asked us questions, such as 'do you guys spit or swallow?' (And people wonder why i hate people my age!?)
Anyway, words were exchanged, and not very civil mind you. We then left.
Two nights later we found a pair of binoculars in our grandpas car, so we took them and had a look around. We were going to go to the cliff again to look at the ocean, but the teens were there on their scooters. Wanting to avoid conflict, we waited until they left, however they saw us and started throwing rocks at us.
"why the fuck are you throwing rocks at us!?"
"What's wrong with you?"
"what do you mean?"
"Your watching us through binocculars"
"What the fuck no we're not!"
"What are you doing then, bird watching?"
"No we just wanted to muck around with them"
*continues throwing rocks*
"If one of those fucking hits us..."
Them in unison: "Oooooh"
So we turned and left. The next day we went down to safeway and bought some eggs.
We planned to egg their house that night.
Anyway, a fight broke out between our family. Our grandpa, who is NOT level headed totally chucked a wobbly, because according to him no one is allowed an opinion but him.
He ended up locking everyone outside, and proceeded to storm through the hous eswearing. He then slammed his door to his room.
But not two seconds later he came out again, started swearin at the top of his lungs and called my mum, her friend and my grandmother a bunch of drunks, and called them swearwords.
We got told to go to bed, and we were informed that we were going home the next day.
Now me and cass were staying in a (spider infested) caravan in the backyard. The parentals were outside drinking, (grandpa had finally shut the fuck up and stayed in his room, like the fucking two year old he is) We wanted to sneak out, but they would not go to bed.
Anyway, we ended up sneaking out anyway, right under their noses.
We then walked down to the monstrosity house, and waited.
It was over an hour before they turned off their lights, so we walked to the cliff, and threw 'their' chair over it.
After that, we circled their house and found a gap in their unfinished fensh that positioned us right in front of their parked car.
We egged the bastards!!!!!
We got their garage, their expensive car, their windows and front door.
We then bolted.
The beauty is, we went home as soon as we woke up the next morning.
MUAHAHHAHAA!
Alrighty, picture time!
BAHAHAHA we stumbled across this sign on the bus ... someone needs to brush up on their engrish skills.
And these are just SOME of the beautiful photos i took :o) I love Lake Bunga beach <3 (L)
My penis shaped flaky thingy (kinda hard to see)
p!nk inspired zinc abs!
P!nk inspired zinc V!
I also saw some extremely HHHHHAAAAAWWWWWTTTTT chick at the beach too ...
*WISHFULL THINKING*
Last night i did not sleep one bit, and i am wide awake. I am on some odd euphoric high, but don't you worry, come 4pm i'll crash.
Dang. I have to work from 5 till 10 tonight.
Moving on!
My holiday was GREAT! Although i did miss my p!nk community on twitter. To an outsider that sounds really disturbing, but you can just piss off.
These people treat me better than people do in the 'real world', so i'd choose talking to them over the internet than people i know anyday!
Back to my holiday ... I got a tan, and on my shoulder i got a sunburn which apparently looks like a penis.
On new years eve Lakes Entrance always has a party thingy, with a small band singing songs that we may or may not know. there are then fireworks, and me and my cousin crawled over the rocks near the water to watch. IT was awesome, as we were right underneath them! (They were released from a boat on the water)
Then we drove up a hill with our grandparents to watch the 12am fireworks.
As a tradition we yelled stuff at passerbys out the window, although this year we were restricted to 'happy new year' as 'BOO!' apparently sounds likes another word...a racist one. I've never heard of it, but considering the town is populated by many aboriginals, we had to oblige
Anyway, there is a cliff that me and my cousin, cass sit at and just look at the scenery. Well, some land was sold there for houses (nothing is fucking sacred anymore!) And there was this huge monstrosity that some rich fucker dared call a house. Anyway, while me and cass were innocently going for a gander, which we had been doing for the past three years, three teenagers come out.
There was a seat there, a normal park bench, and apparently they owned it, despite it being on pulic property.
They proceeded to yell 'pull out your tits' and asked us questions, such as 'do you guys spit or swallow?' (And people wonder why i hate people my age!?)
Anyway, words were exchanged, and not very civil mind you. We then left.
Two nights later we found a pair of binoculars in our grandpas car, so we took them and had a look around. We were going to go to the cliff again to look at the ocean, but the teens were there on their scooters. Wanting to avoid conflict, we waited until they left, however they saw us and started throwing rocks at us.
"why the fuck are you throwing rocks at us!?"
"What's wrong with you?"
"what do you mean?"
"Your watching us through binocculars"
"What the fuck no we're not!"
"What are you doing then, bird watching?"
"No we just wanted to muck around with them"
*continues throwing rocks*
"If one of those fucking hits us..."
Them in unison: "Oooooh"
So we turned and left. The next day we went down to safeway and bought some eggs.
We planned to egg their house that night.
Anyway, a fight broke out between our family. Our grandpa, who is NOT level headed totally chucked a wobbly, because according to him no one is allowed an opinion but him.
He ended up locking everyone outside, and proceeded to storm through the hous eswearing. He then slammed his door to his room.
But not two seconds later he came out again, started swearin at the top of his lungs and called my mum, her friend and my grandmother a bunch of drunks, and called them swearwords.
We got told to go to bed, and we were informed that we were going home the next day.
Now me and cass were staying in a (spider infested) caravan in the backyard. The parentals were outside drinking, (grandpa had finally shut the fuck up and stayed in his room, like the fucking two year old he is) We wanted to sneak out, but they would not go to bed.
Anyway, we ended up sneaking out anyway, right under their noses.
We then walked down to the monstrosity house, and waited.
It was over an hour before they turned off their lights, so we walked to the cliff, and threw 'their' chair over it.
After that, we circled their house and found a gap in their unfinished fensh that positioned us right in front of their parked car.
We egged the bastards!!!!!
We got their garage, their expensive car, their windows and front door.
We then bolted.
The beauty is, we went home as soon as we woke up the next morning.
MUAHAHHAHAA!
Alrighty, picture time!
BAHAHAHA we stumbled across this sign on the bus ... someone needs to brush up on their engrish skills.
And these are just SOME of the beautiful photos i took :o) I love Lake Bunga beach <3 (L)
My penis shaped flaky thingy (kinda hard to see)
p!nk inspired zinc abs!
P!nk inspired zinc V!
I also saw some extremely HHHHHAAAAAWWWWWTTTTT chick at the beach too ...
*WISHFULL THINKING*
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